I awoke this morning and as I did my usual scan of body to greet my human-ness on the start of another day, I realised that I AM moving across the bridge that will marry little me to my big I…to my own divinity. I thought of a Journaling that I did a few years ago, so I fetched it so that I could share with you.
Here it is for what it’s worth. I’m sure that many of you can find yourself or some part of yourself somewhere in its essence.
Between Two Worlds
Here I stand, like an Apache Warrior, feet apart, one on the old, the other on the New. My crossed arms symbolize the strength from the awareness of my own journey. How long and how far I have traveled to arrive at this point, right here, right now. I take a long slow deep breath as I sense my inward compass. I integrate fully, as much as I am able, my divine presence on the planet and I focus on my feeling, Being in my hereness and nowness. It took me some time… a long time … to be aware of my creation. For a great many months, being with my Self, my empty mind could only echo its absence while, in sharp contrast; I felt the fullness of my bodies. As I would sit and try to extract from my mind the words that would describe a semblance of my feelings, the only words that would come, visit, filling and fulfilling my Being were the words: I AM!
A few moons have watched me sitting in this awesome presence and state of Being. It was the last full moon in February that spoke to me as she flooded my bedroom with her essence. I knew my one-ness with her and as we sat, pregnant with the promise of things to come, we moved together in the silence of another dimension, new colors as I have never before seen on the planet Earth danced their way around us like children dancing around a maypole on a lovely summer’s day. I existed then in and as an ocean of joyful yellows and oranges, calming blues and exhilarating purples, loving pinks and fuchsias in hues, which only the soul knows. I expanded into and became the colors as their energies swirled within and around me and we were like cosmic confectionery, delightfully playing and filling the cosmos in the dance of Creation.
My mind, with its egotistic value, still struggled to ‘believe itself in control’ and I heard it ask: ‘Who are you?’ The answer coming from within, without and from everywhere resounded throughout the entire universe of my Being:
I AM that I AM…
I AM that I AM…I stayed with that and I AM …existing as of then without expression yet the fullness of creation exists as me and I, it. I watch myself experience the glory of this moment from day to day. Each time I see or feel myself slipping back into the drudgery of fear I shift my balance to my other footand move back UP into the Newness of ME.
Yes, I have traveled from afar ~ way from the baseness of humanity into the Center of my own Divinity. I started with many illusory mountains to climb and many valleys to traverse. Through laughter and tears, I kept plodding through the quagmire of my own miscreations. I had set myself up to forget who and what I AM. I had submerged myself into the valleys of Fear. I set myself up to experience the lowliest of the low, the cruelest of the cruel, the coldest, darkest, most decadent of humanity and it worked.
I did forget and I played and suffered, lived and died in the forgetfulness of all that I AM. I wallowed pitifully in the density of humanness, feeling, doing, and being all the qualities that are borne out of Fear. Soon, my heart, the portal to my own magnificence, the portal of my never ending reservoir of love spoke to me through the fears and pain and decadence and said: Let’s wrap this up. It is time to go home! and then … it was time to re-member. But that was a very long time ago it seems. So long that I have since let go of the stories and an attempt at a recall feels as if they are in another time, another place and another dimension.
I set this up too – coming home to my Self. My heart was the beacon, the lighthouse if you will, that would signal the homecoming. I remember once, and this feels like centuries ago, being in a Therapeutic Touch workshop in Buffalo, NY and the other attendees talked about feeling this awesome energy coming from me. As I went through the motions of learning and doing, I asked Spirit: ‘How can I not feel this thing that everyone is talking about?’ The answer came back to me very clearly: The river and the flowing are one. Again, a more recent memory of getting an attunement for my Rei Ki Mastery and being aware of having a knowing of the presence of very strong energies in the room with us, I felt myself submerged in a sea of Wisdom and Strength. I intuited a room crowded with Elders and I asked: ‘Why am I not able to see you?’ The reply came rushing into my awareness: ‘Because you are One with us!’
So, I stand here, lofty but not feeling proud
Magnificent but not feeling grand
Radiant yet feeling only love and compassion
Ascending but not climbing
Here I stand, observing, Be-ing One with all of Creation. My heart is opened and consumes all that I AM. I have taken each little orphaned part of me, as it shows itself, back into my embrace filling it with gratitude and love for playing this cosmic game with and for me out of Love. I have become Love and my love becomes compassion for all the other aspects of my Self in embodiment, all the countless expressions of my Divine Self that I observe still dancing in and through the cosmic drama of Fear. What is next? … Shifting … shifting … shifting my stance and placing my two feet together totally in the New Earth and joyfully Being with whatever comes while totally centered in the presence of the Self that I AM.
My heart tells me: ‘I set this up too!’
Yvonne Ste Claire Provost
March 1, 2005 © Foreday Freedom Flight
What is your heart telling you right now?