The Totem Pole

Totem Pole4

As I sat in my living room yesterday, I scanned my entire BE-ing to ‘see‘ read ‘feel’ what was happening with me in my own evolution. There are days when I feel as if I am stuck in my own spiritual happenings and then there are others where I feel as if I AM exactly where I want to be. As I did my internal scanning yesterday, I saw the image of a totem pole with my inner eye and the words accompanying that were: ‘I AM like a Totem Pole.’

The understanding of the image was immediate. It took no time to see the analogy and the understanding that my entire Being was the Totem Pole comprised of the various Aspects of my current and past lives, each telling their own story. I felt as if each breath helped me build on the other. Each breath brought in another little piece of me for integration. I AM the collective of ALL that I AM. Every bit of Light and every bit of Shadow / Darkness find Home in the independent and sovereign Being that I AM. Each had a tale to tell. Each had its own life as one of My own Creations. They served me well. They did exactly what they were created to do. Pockets of Darkness helped me through really difficult times. They helped me walk through various  and varied ugly feelings. They are the ones that took me into the deepest valleys and darkest caves and abyss. I would not have managed life on Earth without them. They helped put me in the state of non-being so that I could get a respite; gave me time to understand what Being truly is. They were the ‘fuse‘ that helped to bring in the Light.  They shadowed the Light, the Love in me repeatedly to help me learn whatever it was I ‘thought’ that I needed to learn. In fact, they enabled me to understand more of my Self. The Light easily allowed me to soar, it enabled and facilitated insights. It took me to the highest mountains in its fabulous dance with the Dark. It was a flirting Game and I was totally unaware. I was continually led by the two. They both kept me in a state of continued expansion and contraction.

Then there are the various incarnations…’borning’ and dying lifetime after laborious lifetime to experience duality on Earth. They all culminated eventually in the divine search…yes, the search for Self…the search for my own divinity. The search for answers outside of my Earthly programming and limited ideas of my perceived God. After I had run the gamut of Religion and I continued to feel the emptiness of body, mind and spirit I took up my human self and proceeded on my own singular quest. Not knowing what I would have found or even what I was searching for, I knew that there simply had to be something else. It is as if my Soul had exhausted all the possibilities of experiences here on Earth and then I got the sense that there had to be ‘more’.  I remember clearly my own charge as I decided that the emptiness in my spirit was too much to bear. I heard my Soul say: ‘It is time to go Home!

So NOW that I AM awakened, I see the irony and humor in lives well lived. It was all a Game played in duality just for the experiences. ‘Going Home’ means that I have consciously made a choice. I choose not to play the Game anymore…I have had enough. Now, my Being wants to expand…wants new experiences beyond duality. In order to go ‘Home‘, I must gather all of the little pieces and fragments of me, call them back together and integrate them back into mySelf into balance and wholeness.

After all of these sometimes laborious and other times, exciting Life  experiences / adventures here on Earth, I set about laborious and exciting adventures in the Quest for Self. The irony and humour that I mentioned above is that as I started coming into more of my Self and my consciousness expanded in the awareness of Self realisation, I know that That for which I searched is only a breath away. What a cosmic joke I have played on myself! I made it so that I would go through all of this chicanery … and ALL That I AM and searched for was already right here in my heart, in my body, my mind, my spirit. All of me…is IT! How wonderful! My breath is all that is needed to take me to my beautiful, wonderful, magical and phenomenal Divine. The ‘God‘ for which I searched, is already expressing as ME…using ME to express Itself…to experience ItSelf!

I AM All of It…like a Totem…all the history, the experiences and the messages of the Light and the Dark are contained within me. I AM full for being whole. I AM content for being balanced. I AM Joy full for being Love. I AM success full in the awareness and realisation that I AM abundant in the abundance of my own Being and All that I AM. In this state of expansiveness, I write this and invite you to feel into these words and take what, if any, is in resonance. I AM that I AM….


About Yvonne Provost

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